Čiste namjere / Pure Intent

One day the misery will be defeated....and we will be the parents of many children of many races


sun is shining...weather is sweet

I'm supposed to be working right now. Obviously that is not the case.

I am, as I'm sure many of you are, stuck in a room at the moment. That wouldn't be so bad if, let's say, it was -10, smoggy and downright crappy outside. But today, for the first time since we've returned to Bosnia, is a sunny one. And all we get to do is look at it through the window.

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how on earth I can spend time in the place I think I love so much...and on the other hand how to get-the-fuck-out-of-Dodge for the winter. I'm not a skier. I'm not a big fan of coal residue polluted air, and I can guarantee that just under 50% of the cars on the road in Sarajevo (and BiH for that matter) would not even come close to passing any emissions tests in the EU.

I don't have millions...so the option of buying a winter house on the canary islands is pure fantasy. If anyone knows a sure-proof recipe for spring-summer-autumn living in BiH and then an 'as-far-away-as-possible'  recipe for Bosnian winters....please do let me know.

...makes you want to move....your dancing feet.


Grasak on my mind....

I think i've written before about my 'take' on death. In a cold way - it's the only thing in life we're sure about. It's the only thing in life we'll never be able to avoid. I'm not a heartless person...so I can't say I'm not effected by death. In one way or another...we all are.

But I keep thinking about Grasak. He visits me just as I lay down to sleep. His smile, exposing the slight gap between his two front teeth, seems to follow me. For some reason I keep torturing myself with the thoughts of how his last moments were. With that scenario of a wall of snow repeating itself over and over.

I spoke to Pasa from Klub Spavalaca 2000. He assured me that Grasak 'nije imao kad' to suffer. Meaning he had no time whatsoever after the avalanche had him in its grip.

I try to ignore the mahalanje about Vanja, who was his wife to be. To be honest, although it may be a juicy theme for those who didn't know him...for those who do it's an ugly reality that this poor girl has to face. I will not publicly discuss this young ladies dilemma.

 I'm amazed at the capacity of this town to turn everything into a soap opera. I guess in a way its admirable the way we deal with death here. Even at the funeral I was standing to the back at the memorial service. Many people could not fit and gathered at the door. There must have been a handful of 5 or 6 people - all men of course - who were talking (very loudly) about their cars, jobs and whatever else came to mind. I was so angry. It was so inappropriate. People were trying to mourn. Yet people around me were either numb to it or simply learned to ignore it. I wanted to slap them upside their heads. I never want to slap anyone.

Then Grasak came to mind. And he just shrugged his shoulders and smiled...as if to say, 'ma, koga jebi druze.' And he was right.

So many things in life are 'out of sight out of mind.'  Grasak is not one of them. He is still here...and my guess is that he won't be leaving us anytime soon.

I wonder who it is that is having a hard time letting go....him or us.

Čiste namjere / Pure Intent
<< 03/2011 >>


What is cista namjera
Although i have become an honorary balkanite, one thing that truly bothers me is how distrustful we are of each other and how quick we are to criticize without necessarily knowing all the facts. I will certainly criticize...and rant & rave about the environment and other things that get ispod moj koze. But i promise to do it with the pure intent. No lies. No bull shit. And entirely open to criticism.

about me
I am a semi-nomadic global activist...bosnaphile, ecologist, hiker, writer, new yorker/sarajevan. Bosnia and Herzegovina has been my home after i hitchhiked from Germany to BiH on Christmas day 1992. People always ask me what was the hardest thing about coming to Bosnia during those times. My answer is always the same...'leaving!'

What about you?
This blog isn't about me. It's about us. I'd love to hear from you...your comments, complaints, suggestions, passions, fears, whatever. What I'd rather not have is a stupid nationalistic exchange on who did what, when. I'm not interested in finger pointing but constructive dialog. If you happen to be one of those negativci...leave your negative energy somewhere else please. Hvala.

I have already received comments from some of you asking me to write or comment on certain issues. That, in fact, is what this is all about. I welcome requests to write about certain topics...and if i can, i surely will. Feel free to ask me to address specific topics.



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