Čiste namjere / Pure Intent

I'm not sure what's up with me.  Frozen in time...sort of like this weather. 

It's not that I don't have things on my mind.  They simply won't allow themselves to manifest here.  At least not in any meaningful form.

How can we celebrate the Radikale victory in Bileca?

What the Haitian man's perspective on life must be after being pulled from the rubble after 27 days?

How long N Ireland has teetered on the edge...and they've just been saved by the bell again?

That it's sad that a little 7-year old Brazilian girl can't dance the Samba because its traditionally a sexy dance.

What kind of world will my son be brought up in?

Why we always do things here either the hard way or backwards....and often both?

Will I ask myself 'who i am' my whole life?

Why I can't write more than a sentence about these things?

Why is it that none of these questions have answers?

They called Howard a radical.  JD an eccentric artist.

I cringe at the world we live in when a man who dedicated his life to non-violence, labour and women's rights, and opposed imperialist wars is labeled a radical.  He was a pinko-commi as my uncle Walter likes to refer me as. 

No one could understand why JD died with 15 unpublished books.  They couldn't fathom why he wouldn't cash in on another masterpiece.  But everyone could relate to this....

I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in a big field of rye and all. ... Thousands of kids, and nobody big at all, nobody big but me. And I'm standing on the edge of this crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to come and catch them. If they start to fall ... and don't look where they're going. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.

Mr. Zinn.  Mr. Salinger.  I hope and pray your physical absence does not mean a spiritual one.  Keep an eye on us if you can.  And let them know, there in your new world, that there are of us here trying to the right thing.  God speed my friends.  And thank you. 

I wrote and lost a post last night.  So I'll try to remember how it went. 

I remember it had something to do with a rotating circus.  I know there was three people involved.  And i think there was this band of guys who wanted to make the three men in the rotating circus welcome a new addition. 

If I'm not mistaken these band of guys are pretty good at doing a whole lot of nothing and like to regularly gather in front of the press to talk about all these great ideas they think they have.

As far as I know these guys think they're quite smart.  I thought that one of these guys was actually quite smart...I think his name was Samir.  But after this little gathering in front of the press....and presenting this stupid idea....I don't think he's so clever any more. 

The thing is, I can't figure out why we let these ring leaders keep making fools of us. I mean isn't it bad enough that they embarrass us with having more ministers than any other country on earth. Now they want us to have four presidents? 

Now that sounds like a good platform for respecting minority and human rights if I've heard of one. 

I started taking the bus again.  Komercijala.  31e.  It's great.  Don't know why i stopped in the first place. 

When I lived in Nahorevo for five years I took the bus to town most days.  The six kilometre kombi ride on bus 69 to Sutjeska Ulica by II Gimnazija was a regular part of my routine. And i loved it. 

Parking in town is a nightmare.  Not to mention that its getting pretty darn expensive.  I used to be a patron of public transport...and after not putting my money where my mouth was the idea sort of conveniently faded from mind. 

I can't speak for the trolejbus or tramvaj...but i can most certainly attest to the cleanliness and timeliness of komercijala.  It's a great line.  A direct shoot from Vijecnica all the way to the last Dobrinja stop for 1.60 KM.  And that's without calculating the ecological footprints of using javni prevoz. 

I know that a good number of the masses have been, by default or choice, more ecological in their choice of transport than I have been.  But I'm glad to have been reawakened.  Daniel Quinn and Ishmael would be proud.  So it goes. 

We've had a few friends roll into town lately.  They've come with exciting bits of tid-bit information from their little corners of the world.  They all ask the same question.  They all get the same answer. 

'So what have we missed?'...genuinely enthusiastic to hear what's been going on here.  I ponder. Really pushing hard to remember something of any significance or interest. 

"You...well...missed the floods.  Yeah, had lots of those this winter.  Strange thing that global climate change, huh?  Oh, yeah, and we've had no snow on Bjelasnica and Igman (as if something NOT happening what an event itself)."  And I ponder again....

"Well, there were unpleasantries exchanged between the RS and Federation.  Dodik said something obnoxious and provocative again.  Silajdzic repeated the word genocide for the 8 millionth time in his career.  Oh wait...Mesic threatened to send the Croatian army into Posavina if the RS voted to secede from the holy union!" Exciting huh? 

Croatia has a new president.  But i guess that's not 'our' news necessarily.  Berlusconi got clubbed in the head with a miniature cathedral in Milano.  I guess that's not ours either, huh?

So besides the weather, politics and war...not much has gone on this winter.  At least the Russians didn't cut off our gas (knock on wood).  That would give us trash talk material for at least a few months. Oh the conspiracy conversations that take place after the Russians did that ;)

So winter is a time of rest.  Things slow to crawl here.  Nothing really happens at all.  Perhaps its better that way.  No news IS sometimes better than the alternative.   

I love the spring. It's my favourite season.  But what I dread is that, at least in many of our hearts and minds, we are still in war mode.  And offensives start in the spring. 

Wouldn't it be great if instead of a political or military offensive we drummed up some positive energy to lead a love offensive....a change offensive.....a 'be honest' offensive.....listen to the other offensive....compromise offensive.....environmental offensive....

Stop laughing at me now.  Let a man dream will ya!

I used to get mad.  I have tried, to the best of my ability, to understand why they don't see.  Now, although they still frustrate me, I try to see them.  It's hard.  It's the missionaries.

Now Haiti was the place of the first slave revolution in the America's.  400,000 enslaved Africans rebelled against 30,000 whitey's.  They even managed to defeat Napoleans best general.

So the Christian, God-fearing white boys from France, Spain and America have been kicking these people in the teeth for a good number of centuries.  In fine American style we backed (YET ANOTHER) coup d'etat and ousted (YET ANOTHER) democratically elected government, replaced them with a pawn (we like to call them 'elite') and plundered whatever Haiti had left to pawn off. 

So we have an ex-slave state.  The poorest country in the western Hemisphere.  A country where waterborne diseases are the rule not the exception.  A nation whose countryside has been so devastated by deforestation that it could qualify as rape (I wonder who bought all that delicious hard wood?).  In come the missionaries. 

Sure, we enslaved you for 400 years plus.  Sure, we yanked and tore and desecrated the roots of your ancestors.  OK, we exploited your natural resources.  We admit, we supported a coup d'etat or two.  Alright, we raped your women too.  But, we're here to SAVE you.  Don't you see that?  Jesus sent us.  You know, Jesus.  The guy who died for YOUR sins!

Now I'm not excusing Haitians of their own responsibilities towards their own people and communities.  But it would be a great injustice to not look at the causes and effects of a half a millennium's worth of torture.  It DOES leave a mark.  I simply can 't understand how these missionaries have no shame. I have met many of them.  They are lovely people ...kind...caring...ignorant as hell.   I just can't see why white people think 'the savages' of the world need to be saved.  Why the 'unenlightened' need to have the switch turned on for them. 

WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?

I won't even dare explore the aid distribution IF you come to church schemes.  Then I'll just get mad again.  We understand you're child is dying, but we only give aid from the church.  The bible thumpers were already swarming over Haiti before the disaster...now they're ready for a full-fledged invasion. 

But people of Haiti - worry not.  Your former oppressors will be knocking on your door soon....with the love of blonde haired, blue-eyed Jesus in their hearts....to SAVE YOU. 

Thank God for that, huh? 

I have an exceptionally short attention span when it comes to my career choices.  So much so that i seem to change what i do every 4 years or so.  I always integrate and build upon what i did the previous four years, of course, but the rotation process always brings something new. 

I think something new is on the horizon.   High school lasted four years.  So did university.  Another big four doing emergency aid work in the early nineties followed by another four of development aid work after the war.  Then came four years jumpstarting the grassroots social business stuff with Green Visions which led to another 4 into travel writing for Bradt, Thomas Cook and whatnot.  The travel writing and my grassroots eco-tourism experience opened up some doors for me to become of  freelance consultant in tourism, environment and sustainable development. 4. 

Hmmmm......4.  My brother was born four years after me.  My sister 4 years after that.  When she turned 4 we got our first dog.  When we left New York :( we moved to Port St Lucie in Florida where i lived for, yup, 4 years. 

Back to here and now. 
Things are in a slight lull at the moment. I'm broke. Which i find quite liberating at times.  I am doing a few local consultancy gigs with the EU.  I have a half a jillion things in the pipeline...including a son :).  But still have no idea what tomorrow will bring.   

I've applied for a few new jobs. Feeling the need for a tad more stability as I approach 40.  What stability means don't ask me.  One job is an EU funded tourism development project - one that I think i am easily qualified for but slightly dread because its means digging in and working within our wonderfully dysfunctional 'institutions.'  The other is a position with the WWF (World Wildlife Fund), working on economic development in protected areas.  I think this is where I'd like to be.  I believe with every spec of my being that ecology and economy can and must function.  I am utterly convinced that this stunning yet traumatized country can be an eco-tourism powerhouse in southeast Europe.  I know that we must find another way forward. 

I've dreamt of working with the likes of Greenpeace or WWF.  Being with my peeps. 

So I keep my fingers crossed.  And trust the universe will continue to lead me where i need to be.  So it goes. 

I can't help it...being a news junky i mean. 

I went to high school in south Florida.....and grew up with many Haitians.  Played basketball and ran cross country with some brothers from the voodoo island. 

Now I'm fixed to the telly.  Watching the horror of their motherland gone bust.  Wishing I could do something besides write a check. 

Don't know if any of you are following CNN reports....but watch out for Karl Penhaul.  On nema dlak na jezik.  I love the man for it. 

Working in Bosnia, Albania and Kosovo over a span of eight years of war I learned some hard lessons.  One of them....a hard one to swallow for me....was the utter lack of coordination and disgusting competitive flagwaving of the UN and the NGO's on the ground. 

So many times it seemed as if planting the Unicef or Care or Save the Children flag was more important than helping the victims.  The amount of time and resources that goes into PR & 'coordination meetings' often dwarfs that of quality time on the ground. 

Karl was setting the record straight.  Openly talking about the lack of coordination and fierce competition within the Haitian emergency response.  Make no mistake, there are many exceptional people with an inspiring level of dedication and passion for helping others.  It has, however, turned into a multi-billion dollar business of the years.  And it is the most uncoordinated and unregulated business in the world. 

I finally quit in protest after having to leave Kosovo after a death threat.  But I must say that the whole business has left a bitter taste in my mouth.  These feelings are experiencing a rebirth...knowing all too well how the Haiti situation is being handled. 

I know its not easy working in those conditions.  I know there is no magic wand.  But we have been doing this for decades...and keep making the same unforgivable mistakes time and time again. 

When will the humanitarian aid world finally clean its own house?  Serious self reflection is in order...and has been for some time.  Sadly, in the heat of the moment we often forget our purpose and fail to act with 'pure intent.'

It could simply be cyclical weather patterns.  It could easily be a sign of things to come as well.  Bizarrely freezing and oddly warm temperatures.  No snow.  Tonnes of rain. Flooding all around the country.  The worst areas of flooding were mostly within range of a dam.  Man of the mjestani blame them for the highest water levels they've ever seen. 

Enter Mujezinovic and Heco. 5 billion euros.  Let's dam the whole damn country!

In these tough economic times I'm afraid these energy projects (some of which are spot on - mind you) will pass unhindered through parliament.  The good thing is that at least we won't be selling off everything to the Austrians and Slovenes.  Instead, it gets to stay in the trusty hands of our honorable government and the honest brokers at Elektroprivreda.  Lucky us. 

The bad side is that anything and everything is fair game.  Heco likes to use the Austrians as examples of how we can develop our energy sector and not endanger the environment, tourism and agriculture.  Heco seems to forget that...well...we're not Austrians. 

If there's a shortcut to take.  We'll take it.  If there's a way to bend the rules.  We'll bend them.  If we can cheat the system.  We will.  If someone can be bribed.  We'll bribe them.  If they can't be bribed.  We'll threaten them. 

Call me crazy, but I think we do business a bit differently than the Austrians. 

So most of our rivers will come under fire.  Some will have to be sacrificed.  I think what the environmentalists need to do is pick a few good fights.  For the rest...we need to assure, nag, monitor, report, and insist on the use of the highest environmental standards. 

Unfortunately, the only areas where our government has high standards (highest even!) are greed, corruption, sitni interes, and immorality. 

It's going to be a fund election year.  I can hardly wait.   

 

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if woodchuck could chuck wood?